I'm having a reaction,
Though knackered and fatigued
Here's news of my inaction
To those who are intrigued.

I'm out of jolly banter,
Bored stiff with Christmas Eve
And stockings due for Santa;
This year I'm taking leave.

You know you're getting weary,
You know you've lost the knack
When each routine seems dreary,
Like filling up the sack.

I've never received wages,
They must assume I'm thick,
I've been hard up for ages -
Life's tough when you're St Nick.

Why should I work for peasants
And wealthy ones as well?
I'm not transporting presents;
The lot can go to hell.

Computers are too heavy,
The chimney count has shrunk,
Instead I'll have a bevvy
Or ten and get stone drunk.

Why don't they just give God it?
I'm sure he'd do the job,
It's time for saying 'Sod it'
And acting like a slob.

I'll tell them at a meet-up,
Reindeers can suit themselves,
I'll doze and put my feet up
Before I tell the elves.

I know kids love their goodies
But that's not my concern,
No doubt they'll soon be hoodies
With ready cash to burn.

At midnight there's a brandy
I'm looking forward to
And if it makes me randy
I'll know just what to do:

While endless children slumber
In dreams of gifts I've brought,
I'll dial the local number
Of someone who's my sort;

My beard could use a shaver,
The Ice Queen likes men smart,
These days it takes a raver
To wake up this old fart.

Already my heart flickers,
I cannot wait to say
One night with frosty-knickers
Beats flying in a sleigh.

So that's the situation,
The man in red and white
Is letting down the nation
And cancelling his flight.

I won't let reindeer crap land
On rooftops, not a toy
Shall drop while here in Lapland
I wallow in Yule joy.


©

brillient as always happy new year

XD! I love it. You had me holding back my laughter from the very first couple of lines, all the way through to the end. Your clever wordplay will leave this poem in my mind for quite some time.