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 Burt's Pansies.

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Dr Fogg


Posts : 1277
Karma : 255
Location : Devon, England.

PostSubject: Burt's Pansies.   May 15th 2012, 4:46 pm

Burt’s Pansies.
Imperial forces swoop down on planet earth
Just south of Putney bridge, London
Moving swiftly, Darth Vader assembles his troops
They rendezvous in the garden of number forty eight Victoria Road.

Mrs Onions (pronounced Oh –Nions if you please)
Is washing up in her tiny kitchen
Through steamy windows she spies a dark figure
“Ere Burt” she shouts “There’s a drunk in fancy dress treading on your pansies”

Rolling pin in hand, she marches down the passage
“Oi you with the coal scuttle on yer ed
Gerrorf my Burt’s pansies
Before I lamp you with me rolling pin”.

Darth Vader turns swiftly to confront Mrs Onions
In his laboured breathless voice he speaks to her
“Madam I am Darth Vader and the people of earth
Are to be enslaved by imperial forces”.

Raising herself to her full five foot one Mrs Onions
Brandishes her rolling pin fearlessly.
“Darth Vader? What kind of a bloody name is that?
And you need to give up smoking chum your chest sounds awful.

Darth Vader stares into her eyes and attempts to use the force
To crush her cellulite adorned throat. The rolling pin took him by surprise
Leaving a massive dent in his helmet and causing him to see stars.
He withdrew his troops.” Return to the death star these creature are immune to the force”

Mrs Onions shuffled back inside
Put down the rolling pin and wiped her hands.
Burt shouted “Everything all right ole gal”?
“Yes just a load of bloody foreigners Burt”

Dr Fogg

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PostSubject: Re: Burt's Pansies.   July 6th 2012, 3:27 pm

ROTF. This one has it all Doc. I can picture the seen so well. I had a grandmother with that type of personality. She didn't care who you were or what planet you were from nothing intimidated her! Your attention to detail in everything you write is astonishing. Loved it.


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Karma : 88
Location : the Mirror

PostSubject: Re: Burt's Pansies.   July 7th 2012, 8:10 am

lol lol lol.

My dear foggy you are a prince of humour, this made me smile and giggle. I could just imagine it. Very much enjoyed.
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PostSubject: Re: Burt's Pansies.   August 27th 2012, 12:45 pm

I love your British humor on this one! Truly genious and well done. Fantasy meeting reality, pretty scary don't you think? EXALT! tc
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PostSubject: Re: Burt's Pansies.   August 29th 2012, 7:34 am

You know Doc you have captured something unique in this piece beside the humour i.e. that special breed of women we have over here. No matter how the posers try to impress them or how their weak husbands spin them a tale everything outside their narrow limits of right and wrong is met with stony eyed indifference.

I remember when I was a kid seeing a bag snatcher fleeing for his life down the Borough High Street pursued by two of these woman intent in removing his wedding tackle.

Good piece mate Exalt.

Regards Cari
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