The Acme Clone Co.

Posts : 741 Karma : 241

The Acme Clone Co.

Papers please for a Parent Warder
Thank you, yes, their quite in order
You’re authorised to provide a home
For a model 20 Type B clone

In this coloured brochure you may choose
From our extensive range of hygienic stews
Made with selected strands of D and A
Delivered free, just a week today

You may consider, it may suffice
Faulty goods at a knock down price
Note the absent eyes, it cannot see
But buy one now and get one free

On our macho model, you may rest assured
The problem’s fixed, the fault is cured
We’ve eliminated his disgusting trait
To nail his bits on your garden gate

Our frisky girl, she’s a lively soul
Crafted from a Barbie Doll
Or the brainy one, we call her Nancy
If a high IQ is what you fancy

The athlete is a sure fire winner
But you want an opera singer
Sorry madam you’re out of luck
Most will sing like Donald Duck

Oh I see you have picked that blond female
A very wise choice, thank you for the sale
And now you’re late, you must get away
Well, thank you again. Have a nice day

Below are two letters and replies to our esteemed customers.

Oct 4, 2009, 10:09pm, Dr Fogg wrote:

Dear Acme,
I am very interested in your range of clones, however I wonder if you do a Margaret Thatcher version? I could chase that little minx round the garden all day.
*****************************

The Acme Clone Company
54, Goldhawk Rd;
London

Dear Sir,

We are in receipt of your letter requesting a Margaret Thatcher clone; unfortunately this model has been recalled from existing customers and is no longer available. There were two faults with the product which our technical staff were sadly unable to remedy, namely the model’s incessant arguing with their owners and subjecting them with a severe handbagging induced by them on uttering certain key words such as Michael Howard, Tony Blair, and most distressfully of all Geoffrey Howe.

However you may be interested in our Queen Mum clone as she is not very sprightly and considering your age rather easier to catch. She will of course demand the observance to the strict protocol conversant to her station. So when you have your evil way be sure to say ‘Wham Bam and Thank you MAM.

I remain
Yours faithfully,
W.D Forty, M.D, V.D and bar.

Sir Daniel Wrote

Dear Acme Clone Co Representative..

How do you replace the batteries in your Type C clone? I tried looking everywhere (and I do mean everywhere) but I can't seem to find the little digity thing you press that makes the battery compartment open. I would ask the clone but for some reason, she's not talking to me.. (Maybe it's the battery?)

Ooh, also I was wondering if you have a poet clone? I would love to have him modelled on this guy I know named Carousal who writes these witty, clever and rhyming poems that always makes me wish I was talented enough to join him.

Sincerely.

Joe b. customer

**************************

The Acme Clone Company
54, Goldhawk Rd;
London

Dear Sir,

We are in receipt of your letter requesting help in finding the compartment for a new battery for your Type C clone. I find myself at a loss in understanding your need for a battery. Our models are completely humanoid with the addition of small microchip inserted in their left buttock that recognises you as the sole owner. There is no provision made for a battery, they are not required.

As you have stated in your letter you have pushed and prodded the model, no doubt in extremely intimate places on her person, I find it is no surprise that she has declined to talk to you and is not responding. I remind you sir that she is a Type C clone and is not programmed for any degree of intimacy, if you require that provision you should have purchased our Type X clone.

If you return the product to our technical base at Milton Keynes she will be re-programmed; unfortunately by your actions I am afraid that you have invalidated your guarantee as clause 5498a clearly states, so a charge of 2000$ will be made.

I regret also to inform you that to date no poet clone of the standard you require is available. Our research staff has been working for some time now on producing a poet but so far have only been successful in one restricted to writing obscene ditty’s on toilet walls, so the chances or producing one to the standards of genius that you require in the near future is not promising.

I remain
Yours faithfully,
W.D Forty, M.D, V.D and bar.

Guest

$Smokin\'$ Roll Laughing

Truly hysterical!!!

Posts : 377 Karma : 28

I must agree with cinda, didn't feel like reading it at first, I have to admit, sence it's 2 am, but once I started I couldn't stop, you have such a great imagination. great stuff, funny, well written with a good point behind it!! Exalt.

Subject: Re: The Acme Clone Co. September 9th 2010, 6:25 am

ooh gosh.. that explains alot..

Shocked

Posts : 150 Karma : 81 Location : South Carolina

The Type X clone does sound very interesting, but most likely beyond my price range.

Thanks for the laugh.

I never wanted to write this post. Life, however, brings to us changes of necessity, not changes we want.

Unfortunately, and as evidenced by the past few months' activities, I do not have the time to properly govern the use of this site anymore. While there are visitors every day, the posts by members are becoming fewer and farther between, and the staff participation is just as sparse.

…

[ Full reading ]

Hi friends!

It's been a busy summer for us here at Poet Share, as the sunshine has called us away more than usual. We've posted a new poetry prompt today for you summery, adventurous types.

Let us know if you have any questions or concerns via PM if we're not on site. We hope to be back online fully staffed by mid-September!