Poet Share Poetry Forums: Your Poetry Here!
To access all of the forums guests can't see, you MUST register and then ACTIVATE THE EMAIL LINK SENT TO YOU or you will not be able to access the forums. You may login with your Facebook account after your initial login, but will still need to register if you haven't yet done so.

Please remember our policy of replying to 2 poems by other poets for every new poem you post! Thank you, and welcome to Poet Share!



 
HomeFront PageNewsMember BlogsFAQRegisterLog in
Poet Share closed to any new posts on December 1, 2013. 
Thank you for your time with us, and your participation. 
Please direct all inquiries to poetshare@outlook.com

Come See Our New Forums at http://www.verses.boards.net


Share | 
 

 FORGET THE TOOTHBRUSH IF YOU MUST - BUT NOT THE DRESSING GOWN

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
AuthorMessage
nortan223

avatar

Posts : 124
Karma : 28
Location : Essex UK

PostSubject: FORGET THE TOOTHBRUSH IF YOU MUST - BUT NOT THE DRESSING GOWN   April 11th 2013, 12:17 pm

All I had was a phone call
From the Hospital to go for a test
They said they would send me a letter
With instructions, but as you have guessed.
It never arrived, so I failed to take
A dressing gown – As no one had said
That I’d have to strip.so they gave me, instead
A substitute, but the thing they supplied
Was a flowery back-to-front, loosely tied
Cotton affair that scarcely concealed
My front, and my rump was clearly revealed.

So a second gown worn the other way round
Preserved my modesty but was far from chic.
But worse was to come, as I later found.
It was simply a National Health confidence trick.
Now the first exploration was not too traumatic.
And showed that everything was OK
But this, at my age was problematic
So I’d need to go for a scan and X-ray.

So still dressed like a clown, I was then sent down
To a completely different section
And after wandering through corridors, for what seemed miles
I lost my sense of direction.
Embarrassed by my appearance and quite overwrought
My mind took on a bizarre new thought
Was this humiliation carefully planned
To see how much trauma and stress I could stand

.Then amidst this reverie, a member of staff
Tapped me on the shoulder
“Excuse me Sir, Are you in the right place
I waved my patient’s folder.
“I’m looking for X Ray,” I tersely replied
(By now I was really embarrassed)
And the last thing I wanted , was for some jobsworth type
To make me feel even more harassed.

His face was twitching, trying to stifle a smile
And I began to wish I was dead.
Then he raised his eyes heavenward for a while
To a sign hanging over my head .
I looked up too, then felt even more stressed
For I was now at the Mortuary and Chapel of Rest.

So I was guided to X Ray and given a seat .
And my humiliation was now complete
Among all the Outpatients, who tried not to grin
At this bizarrely dressed male mannequin.
Now the Hospital Shops are so orthodox .
They have cakes, sweets and drinks among their stocks
And you might be lucky with toothbrushes and soap
But if you want a dressing gown - you haven't a hope..




Last edited by nortan223 on April 11th 2013, 4:57 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top Go down
sicksoul

avatar

Posts : 31
Karma : 9
Location : The black hole that is Nebraska

PostSubject: Re: FORGET THE TOOTHBRUSH IF YOU MUST - BUT NOT THE DRESSING GOWN   April 11th 2013, 4:40 pm

Rofl
My moms probably your age or older, and we've gone through this routine many times:
Now the first exploration was not too traumatic.
And showed that everything was OK
But this, at my age was problematic
So I’d need to go for a scan and X-ray.

Probably hoping to make sure you haven't short-changed them... they'll see the quarters in your pockets.. greedy.. never minds.. lol
That you ended up in the chapel/ morgue for a moment left me with tears in my eyes I was laughing so hard- I swear when they plan the lay-out for hospitals it's implied to be like the different levels of purgatory.
If you don't mind I might share this with my mom, she'd get a kick out of it too^^



"Où sont les neiges d'antan?"
~François Villon~
Back to top Go down
Daniel

avatar

Posts : 1616
Karma : 230
Location : under the oak tree with Kiki

PostSubject: Re: FORGET THE TOOTHBRUSH IF YOU MUST - BUT NOT THE DRESSING GOWN   April 15th 2013, 11:09 pm

one would imagine with all the money health care makes from us they could afford to dress us in something better than a gown.. yet they don't (although I do have a secret thought we are dressed like we are simply so the nurses can have a good laugh every night on what would be a pretty boring job). I enjoyed your easy to follow tale and I can really feel for you.

Best wishes,

Daniel
Back to top Go down
http://foggyd.wordpress.com
Crimson.Dawn

avatar

Posts : 80
Karma : 12
Location : The Philippines

PostSubject: Re: FORGET THE TOOTHBRUSH IF YOU MUST - BUT NOT THE DRESSING GOWN   May 20th 2013, 10:00 pm

LOL!!! Smile)
I remembered my own experience which was quite similar to this.
Still I'm smiling!


Back to top Go down
TheArtofALyssaBLando

avatar

Posts : 43
Karma : 12

PostSubject: Re: FORGET THE TOOTHBRUSH IF YOU MUST - BUT NOT THE DRESSING GOWN   May 22nd 2013, 11:30 pm

Hospitals. . . You know, I think they designed those gown to fit improperly on purpose, even I, being tiny, 5 feet tall have never worn one that's fit, LOL.

Oh, and it doesn't matter how big it is, your buttocks (yes I said buttocks, haha) always hangs out the back.


Back to top Go down
nortan223

avatar

Posts : 124
Karma : 28
Location : Essex UK

PostSubject: Re: FORGET THE TOOTHBRUSH IF YOU MUST - BUT NOT THE DRESSING GOWN   May 23rd 2013, 12:22 pm

There are some things in life that are stranger and funnier than fiction. This was one of them. So glad to have received these appreciative comments.

Norman
Back to top Go down
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: FORGET THE TOOTHBRUSH IF YOU MUST - BUT NOT THE DRESSING GOWN   

Back to top Go down
 
FORGET THE TOOTHBRUSH IF YOU MUST - BUT NOT THE DRESSING GOWN
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 1

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Poet Share Poetry Forums: Your Poetry Here! :: Main :: Poetic Endeavors :: Humor-
Jump to: