Poet Share Poetry Forums: Your Poetry Here!
To access all of the forums guests can't see, you MUST register and then ACTIVATE THE EMAIL LINK SENT TO YOU or you will not be able to access the forums. You may login with your Facebook account after your initial login, but will still need to register if you haven't yet done so.

Please remember our policy of replying to 2 poems by other poets for every new poem you post! Thank you, and welcome to Poet Share!



 
HomeFront PageNewsMember BlogsFAQRegisterLog in
Poet Share closed to any new posts on December 1, 2013. 
Thank you for your time with us, and your participation. 
Please direct all inquiries to poetshare@outlook.com

Come See Our New Forums at http://www.verses.boards.net


Share | 
 

 KEYBOARD CONFESSIONAL

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
AuthorMessage
nortan223

avatar

Posts : 124
Karma : 28
Location : Essex UK

PostSubject: KEYBOARD CONFESSIONAL   March 26th 2013, 9:36 am

KEYBOARD CONFESSIONAL

This is part of an actual newspaper article:
……….. is developing a computerised system to cater for those with sins too embarrassing to disclose to the local priest.
The Automatic Confession Machine requires the guilty to type in their sins on a computer keyboard and will provide a print-out of penance in the form of Hail Marys and Our Fathers. The program first requires the penitent to type in the customary ***"Bless me Father, for I have sinned"

The Computer responds by instructing the sinner to type in the number of days since the last confession. The user then types in the number of venial or mortal sins, selecting from a list of the Seven Deadly Sins and the Ten Commandments. Additional details are then required before the program can come up with a dispassionate assessment.

***"Bless me Fathed, for I have sinned"

Now did I type “r” or a “d” ??
For if it isn't correct
Will the program reject
This act of contrition from me.?

But I think I'm a mega-bit worried
How this high-tech Father Confessor
Through computerisation
Can give dispensation
With the speed of a micro-processor

But it's more fun than spending my Fridays
Sitting inside a dark box
Routinely reciting
What I find exciting
To celibate men in dark frocks

But this program could be so efficient
I could do my penance with ease
Though my typing speed varies
It should print fifty Hail Marys
In seconds, with a mouse and two keys.

And if this does not leave me spotless
And free from sin and transgression
I can then only hope
An email to the Pope
Will grant me the normal concession.,

Should Computerese then supersede Latin
As the language for Vatican clerics,
And electronic theology
Replace hagiology
Making old circuit boards holy relics?
Back to top Go down
Jamie

avatar

Posts : 2215
Karma : 233
Location : Vermont

PostSubject: Re: KEYBOARD CONFESSIONAL   April 1st 2013, 12:45 pm

HA! I heard a bit about this subject on the ever-irreverent "Real Time with Bill Maher" and thought, "Online confession? Can't be real." But lo and behold what a font for humor this subject has become!

All that's missing is a line of Monty Python monks chanting at the end here and hitting themselves in the heads with their keyboards. Smile

I absolutely love the how you present confession in these lines:

Quote :
Routinely reciting
What I find exciting
To celibate men in dark frocks

The limerick-style rhythm of the piece only adds to the overall enjoyment. Brilliant work and exalt!


Please reply to 2 poems for each original piece that you post. Taking time to read others' work and leave them comments encourages them to do the same, keeping the forums active & interactive.

Cavalry Scream Chicken
Back to top Go down
http://poetshare.forumotion.com
Daniel

avatar

Posts : 1616
Karma : 230
Location : under the oak tree with Kiki

PostSubject: Re: KEYBOARD CONFESSIONAL   April 2nd 2013, 6:19 am

I think that the Pope (or at least the last Pope) has/had a twitter account.. I can only imagine if one day someone signs God up for Twitter.. (if only normal sermons were that short..)

Much enjoyed, this could really work for some people who can't take their noses out of their smart-phones.

~ Daniel
Back to top Go down
http://foggyd.wordpress.com
sicksoul

avatar

Posts : 31
Karma : 9
Location : The black hole that is Nebraska

PostSubject: Re: KEYBOARD CONFESSIONAL   April 9th 2013, 9:23 am

Rofl.. this is the sort of thing that dehumanizes religion which seems kind of unimaginable considering we're the only know species to indulge in religion. I actually read the article and the poem out loud to my boyfriend and we're both giggling hysterically..
Though that last idea.. that in some distant future these computerized confessionals would be considered holy relics.. that is somehow unnerving and a little haunting. Great write^^



"Où sont les neiges d'antan?"
~François Villon~
Back to top Go down
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: KEYBOARD CONFESSIONAL   

Back to top Go down
 
KEYBOARD CONFESSIONAL
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 1

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Poet Share Poetry Forums: Your Poetry Here! :: Main :: Poetic Endeavors :: Humor-
Jump to: