Burt's Pansies.

Burt’s Pansies.
Imperial forces swoop down on planet earth
Just south of Putney bridge, London
Moving swiftly, Darth Vader assembles his troops
They rendezvous in the garden of number forty eight Victoria Road.

Mrs Onions (pronounced Oh –Nions if you please)
Is washing up in her tiny kitchen
Through steamy windows she spies a dark figure
“Ere Burt” she shouts “There’s a drunk in fancy dress treading on your pansies”

Rolling pin in hand, she marches down the passage
“Oi you with the coal scuttle on yer ed
Gerrorf my Burt’s pansies
Before I lamp you with me rolling pin”.

Darth Vader turns swiftly to confront Mrs Onions
In his laboured breathless voice he speaks to her
“Madam I am Darth Vader and the people of earth
Are to be enslaved by imperial forces”.

Raising herself to her full five foot one Mrs Onions
Brandishes her rolling pin fearlessly.
“Darth Vader? What kind of a bloody name is that?
And you need to give up smoking chum your chest sounds awful.

Darth Vader stares into her eyes and attempts to use the force
To crush her cellulite adorned throat. The rolling pin took him by surprise
Leaving a massive dent in his helmet and causing him to see stars.
He withdrew his troops.” Return to the death star these creature are immune to the force”

Mrs Onions shuffled back inside
Put down the rolling pin and wiped her hands.
Burt shouted “Everything all right ole gal”?
“Yes just a load of bloody foreigners Burt”