The Tat Man

The Tat Man



My name is Fredrick Wheedle
The Rembrandt of the needle
Satisfaction is a must and guaranteed
I am in the Yellow Pages
Don’t bother to search for ages
You’ll find me over the Chip Shop in the Strand

My art work is well known
From Algiers to sunny Rome
Half way round the world and back again
In the Casaba there are Coolies
With illuminated Goolies
A credit to my care and expertise

From the docks of old New York
To the ports in County Cork
There are many of my treasured clientele
From inebriated sailors
To rough and ready whalers
My trade is advertised across the seven seas

You’ll suffer no distress
As I decorate you’re flesh
If you take a tot of rum before I start
I’ve painted the high and mighty
and the dregs of our society
Recommended by the Beckham’s and the Queen

But if your sweethearts changed her name
You should have gotten insurance before you came
To rub it out and change it costs a bomb
So if I have stencilled Gorgeous Rita
and you have fell in love with Peter
Just because you were feeling rather gay
I’m sorry my old mate there isn’t a rebate
That’s an extra thousand quid you’ll have to pay