Jerry Springer interviews the Scarlet Lady

Jerry Springer interviews the Scarlet Lady


‘Good evening –er Scarlet Lady’
‘Oh no need to be so formal darling, call me Margery’
‘Well-er Margery, tell me how long have you been a ghost?’
‘Phantom dear, I prefer phantom, ghost is so down market don’t you think?’
‘Ok, tell me how long have you been a phantom?’
‘Let me see, I suppose about three hundred years, off and on’
‘Off and on?’
‘Yes, you don’t think I do this for a living do you?’
‘Well I did actually’.
‘No dear, far too exhausting. Up half the night, walking through walls, clanking chains and so on. I mean would you?’
‘But I’m not dead’
‘Neither am I darling, Un-dead, I’m the un-dead, get it right sweetheart’.
‘My apologies’
‘That’s alright sweet, has anyone told you, that you have lovely eyes’
‘Moving on; how did you become a Gh-sorry phantom?’
‘Oh the old story unrequited love. You see there was this Knight, well on refection more of a false dawn really; Sir Leopold the Large he called himself, if you ask me ‘Sir Thomas the Tiny would have been more appropriate.’
‘Margery, this is a family show’
‘Oops sorry, well anyway I was young and naive in those days and after a few weeks of dalliance he transferred his affections to Lady Virginia and believe me she was no—‘
‘Family show Margery’
‘Sorry, so I flung myself off the battlements, the rest is history.’
‘Ah that’s sad; tell me, are you happy in your vocation?’
‘No darling haunting is not what it was’
‘Really?’
‘Yes you see Political Correctness has taken all the fun out of the profession.’
‘You’re joking’
‘No, we have to move with the times, we phantoms are no different than you in that respect The Big Gin, that’s our leader, has re-written the Synopsis of Scare’
‘Synopsis of Scare?’
‘Our Bill of Rights darling’
‘I see, or at least I think I do’
‘I’ll read you some of the changes that have been made’.

Clause 548: Hygiene. Ghouls must eat with the appropriate cutlery provided
Clause 271: Sexist The Headless Horseman will herby be known as The Cranium Deficient Horse Person.
Clause 683: ‘No Smoking Zones. Members will no longer vanish in a puff of smoke indoors
‘Thank you Margery’
‘There are loads more’
‘We get the gist, thank you; it’s been- er-most entertaining’
‘My pleasure sweetheart,; you really have the most enchanting eyes.’

‘Phantom dear, I prefer phantom, ghost is so down market don’t you think?’

Lol, I don't know who the Scarlet lady is, but she reminded me of Robin Williams in that movie in which he dresses as a woman and babysits his children. Anyway, hillarious, well done.

What a brillient story,I could imagine
watching this on TV.

lmao "family show" Quite the romp, Cari! Some very funny lines in here, thanks for the laughs.

Whatever promted you to write this!!! fantastic and hillarious, i keep getting the vision of his muscle bound minder trying to grab her and pull her off stage, but his hands just go straight through her lol.

Hahaha

Yes, I must agree, this is funny!
Political correctnes... well done!
Enjoyed! tc